Distrust

My entry for a writing exercise. 300 words on “distrust”. Characters are fictional. Names with resemblance to real persons are purely coincidental.

—

She drummed her fingers on the table, the glass cold under her touch, biding her time. A window for Yahoo! Mail was open on the screen, the cursor in the Username box blinking strangely in sync with her heartbeat, mocking her.

Do it. You know you want to. You have to. It’s the only way.

She shouldn’t. She really shouldn’t. She’s not that kind of person, the kind that pokes her nose where it doesn’t belong.

A chat window popped onscreen. “Hey honey,” it said. Her eyes burned at the term of endearment. It’s a wonder how a word that used to make her feel so special and effortlessly happy could suddenly feel so contrived. So…false.

“You’re out late again,” was her response. “Overtime at rehearsal?”

“Kind of. Hung out with the others for a bit after too,” he said.

“Oh okay. Who with?” She keyed in a smiley, glad that her webcam was broken and he couldn’t see her grit her teeth through the screen.

“Org mates. Garret. Jay. Therese. The usuals.”

Of course. Therese. She really should’ve guessed.

She’s a friend. I told you that.

“I missed you,” he said. It only made the burning worse. Hot tears leaked out as she squeezed her eyes shut.

Really, now?

She couldn’t take it anymore. She had to know.

It was almost uncanny, the speed in which her fingers hit the keys and entered his e-mail’s username and password. Within moments, the page has loaded and it showed five unread messages. Out of the five, only one stood out. There was no subject, but the header said it was from therese.sison@gmail.com.

She moved the cursor until it hovered over the link, her hand trembling on the trackpad.

A mouse click, a photo and a few seconds of reading later, she burst into tears and promptly shattered to pieces.

 

Drafting the wishlist

A friend of mine tagged me in her Birthday/Christmas Wishlist Facebook note. (Hallo Yoj!) She was…more or less specific about what she wanted. One look at that list and you’d find out exactly what she’s into.

My birthday is coming up (only five more days yay!) so I figured, hey, maybe I should write a wishlist too. Last time I made one, I got nearly everything on the list. Who knows, it could happen again this year.

So I opened a new document, flexed my fingers and…

Nothing.

I couldn’t think of anything. I sat there for a while, just staring into the blank screen, unable to think of even one thing that I wish I could have. How the hell is that possible?

I could ask for one of the new Canon digital cameras, but on second thought…nah. I’m happy with Yvaine. (Yvaine’s my trusty Powershot 1100IS, just so you know.) I’ve always wanted an iPod Touch, but I swore that until Helena (my iPod Video) becomes a hopeless case, I’m not giving her up. I haven’t gotten around to reading the all books that I bought, so I don’t need any more to add to my queue at the moment. I could think of several items of clothing and accessories that I fancied, but none that screamed ZOMGWANTGIMMENOW.

What I REALLY want right now, sadly, couldn’t be purchased in stores.

What I want…is to find out what I want. (Okay, confused yet? Good, me too.) Wait, no. I know where I want to be. My biggest dream has always been to work for a women’s magazine, and write novels on the side. I set that dream aside because Nursing promised greener pasteurs and easy money. I had two months to try and get used to life as a nurse and as much as I valued the experience…Let’s just say I don’t think I would be happy, living that kind of life.

I want to deviate and try going for ye olde dream again, but now I lack the proper background. Getting hired to work in a magazine will be a bit of a long shot for me now. I’m still going to try though, and see if it takes me down a different road, or if it will lead me back to where I started.

Hm. I have five days to think about what to wish for before I close my eyes and blow those birthday candles. I’ll see if I can come up with anything by then. Suggestions, anyone?

Scar Formation

I took a trip down memory lane last night. There were old photos and notes, little professions of the things you felt for me back then, evidence of the promises you made.

It was like taking a band-aid off a wound to see how it’s doing.

Glad to say that it didn’t bleed. There’s a little bit of an ache, but it has dulled from how bad it used to burn. It’s only a matter of time before a scar would be all that’s left, just a mark on my skin, neither painful nor pleasurable.

Something to remember you by.

—

Sorry for the emo post, I just had to. If I don’t let that out, it’d fester into something grosser. XD

Calamity

Unless you’ve been in a remote cave somewhere in the Atlantis, you’ve probably heard about the disaster that was Ondoy.

I’ve only been around in this world for nearly twenty-two years, but this has got to be one of the, if not the sole, worst situations that happened in my lifetime.

On the weekend when Ondoy struck, I was at home. I remember constantly checking the window, waiting for any signs of the rain stopping. I had to go on duty that day you see, and after that was an event that I had been looking forward to for days. When the street outside our house started to flood, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. Our area is pretty elevated, compared to most. If it’s starting to flood here, everywhere else must be submerged in water.

So I called the hospital, told them I couldn’t make it and spent the next few hours online (as per usual lol). Time crawled past, and I got more and more annoyed. The rain wasn’t stopping, hence the cancellation of plans, my internet went dead, followed soon after by a power outage. I’d forgotten to charge my phones and iPod, and there wasn’t enough light for me to even attempt to read. I had nothing to DO. Que horror!

While I was busy complaining over my petty desires, scenes from Noah’s Ark were happening elsewhere. Only when I saw the news roughly 24 hours later, when the power went back on, did I realize just how bad things had gotten. And just like that I felt selfish and shallow, and a bit guilty that the worst I’ve been through was ankle-high flood in my living room and boredom.

I’ll been doing some volunteer work, to counteract that guilt and repent for my selfish thoughts. Join me?:)

Welcome to the Crossroads

Ever since I was a child, I knew I wanted to write.

I preferred storybooks over toys, and made up tales in my head, using dolls as the characters. I went on journeys in the playground, sometimes alone, other times with a playmate who would humor my rather silly musings.

It was in high school that I discovered I had a knack for it, when I tried out for the school org. “She’s what we’re looking for” they had said, and for a while I believed that I was actually good at it. I wrote poetry and short stories, reviews and fanfiction. I had a diary, and then a blog, and wrote about anything and everything I could think of. It didn’t matter if I wrote about inane, teenage experiences or *gag* unrequited love. All that mattered was that I wrote.

Then I stopped. For reasons that even I couldn’t tell, I stopped writing. Maybe I didn’t have enough time, maybe I was always too tired, or simply terribly uninspired. It’s been a while since I wrote something of substance, and whatever talent I had has dwindled away, atrophied from disuse.

Now, however, is a good time for me to try and start again. I’ve just experienced how it is to get in a relationship, be in one, and get out of one. I’m out of college and is currently in search of a job. What career path to follow, I do not know yet. No, that’s not a late manifestation of teenage angst. I’m a Nursing graduate (yes, I know what you’re thinking), who, like many others in my place, is contemplating on whether I made the right choice in pursuing the said course.

So here I am. This is me standing at the crossroads, trying to navigate through the many twisted paths and to avoid any more dead ends. If you’d like to join me, you are most welcome. I could use the company.