A little more than a year ago, I was one of the casualties of what my friends and I have dubbed as “Breakup Season”.
On the first day of my singlehood, I was introduced to new people with an ENTIRELY different view on dating and relationships. It was my first time to hear dating beliefs that didn’t include ligaw, exclusivity, and soulmates that I pretty much just sat there, in awe of all the things that I didn’t know of and have missed out on.
The conversation went a little something like this.
“I’ve been single for, what, two years now? And I still don’t feel the need to be attached to someone in that [relationship kind of] way,” he says. “Casual dating is fun. You meet a lot of interesting people along the way without all the complications of a relationship.”
And so I wondered how well that works, because really, at one point or another, someone will break and what started out as a “casual thing” will lead into something more for one or both persons.
“I used to think so too. But I think these days, people who are in the same stage of our lives are also looking for that one person. There are so many people in the world, so many of them that we haven’t even met yet. If you tie yourself down to someone now, how are you going to be able to meet all of them? We’re young, we have the rest of our lives to find and stay in love. For now…the whole world awaits.”
He also said that he was in it for the romance, for the challenge and intrigue of whether or not he can get someone to go out with him, and not for the relationship.
I don’t know if it was just my eagerness to recover from the breakup, or that person’s charisma and firm belief in what he was saying but I eventually found myself taking his words to heart.
And so ever since then, I followed the ways of the (dating) Jedi (although it’s more of Sith, if you ask me). I dated…a lot. When someone asked me out, I just said yes. It was so easy to say yes, when you don’t have to think about whether or not he likes you enough for it to work out because really…there’s nothing to work on. You go out on a date, have fun and get to know another person, maybe even get to make out with him if the date goes well enough.
I suppose when you’re not thinking of taking relationships seriously, it shows through, and you can’t really blame people when they prey on that. I mean really. Dating without the responsibility? That’s like eating as much cake as you want and never gaining weight. (I like cake, shut up.)
The fact that it felt like nobody wanted to seriously date me really didn’t matter at first. I was having fun anyway, and I didn’t want anything serious or long-term.
Then I met someone. Someone I liked enough for me to gladly set aside the many joys of singlehood and commit again. But I suppose that person knew that I wasn’t looking for anything serious when we first met, so he and I just…had fun, in secret. (It’s a long and different story that will never be published online nor offline.) He never pursued anything more than that.
It really kinda sucked when he started seeing someone. As in actual dating, not just the fooling around behind the scenes that we did. When that happened, it unleashed a plethora of self-doubts, and what-if scenarios. (I really hate those things.) I kept asking myself, was I really just the girl of the goodtimes, and not all time? If I hadn’t been a “Padawan” at the time that I met that guy, would we have had that thing? Would we have had something a little more meaningful?
I suppose regardless of what I learned from my good ol’ Jedi master, part of me is still that same girl from a year ago, one who just wants to be appreciated for who she is. My rosy view on love and relationships may be a little more realistically coloured now, but I’m still not immune to the feeling of wanting a more substantial “thing” with someone I really like.
My 2010 really does have potential rom-com material, doesn’t it? If you ever use it for one, please share the royalties with me. I am poor.